Ringing… 5 seconds.. still ringing.. There is no answer yet. My only last wish was to say goodbye and hear my favorite voice while standing at my favorite place . I am looking all the way down, I try to stop imagining myself down there in the blood, all of my bones broken, probably nobody will recognize my face, that is why I will do my best to fall on my back.
I chose the tallest building in the city. I calculated how long I will fall. Building was 200 m , so my falling time will be exactly 6.3 seconds. I will talk about what crossed my mind in 6.3 seconds.
I closed my eyes and jumped.
I regretted.. I shouldn’t have jumped. Hanging myself was better idea, there were more time to think. Then I realized hanging will stop me breathing and I wouldn’t able to think. Then I felt proud for my decision. Also, I was falling on my back.
This was the first half second.
I remembered my childhood, my happiness, my first memory. Do you know what is funny? I even didn’t know that I had a such memory about my mom is washing me in the small metal box , middle of the room. I was enjoying so much despite soup was hurting my eyes so much. I remembered my dad was putting me on his lap while he is driving and letting me to hold the steering wheel. That time, I was thinking that I was actually driving. Isn’t the life exactly like this. You think, you have the control but you don’t know when the life will take the control, mostly you don’t have even single chance to control.
This was about one and the half second.
I tried to remember why I jumped and will end my life in four and the half second but I only remembered my friends, my family and most importantly my mom’s food. Damn… Why the hell I jumped?? I won’t able to eat those most delicious foods. Okay.. Can someone take me back? Nobody? Anyway… Let’s continue falling. For a moment, I felt all my mom’s foods taste in my mouth . Still, I am falling happily.
This was one second.
I have seen everyone I love crying. Now, I was hallucinating. All people were looking at me from up there with tears in their eyes. Your cry was stronger than anyone . I felt bad for all of you but I couldn’t take this pain anymore. The last 3 seconds I was looking at people I love crying in the blue sky.